9.1.08

To forgive, or not to forgive!

Scorpions, they say are those who never forgive an enemy and never forget a kindness. Of the latter, I’m sure. But of the former, umm..! I really haven’t had many such experiences where I’ve had to hate somebody. Oh yea, for a moment or a day, I’ve had the urge to kill people. Am sure most of us have. But beyond that, it’s never gone to the extent of hatred.

Now if you mean just not forgetting a bad action, it could be true. Because, I still remember my sister eating the last chocolate I had saved for a week. My class teacher’s sarcastic remark on how well I did in the exam. And Chutki’s comment on my oily hair. If that’s called not forgiving, then am a witch. I remember very clearly each and every instance where I was hurt. By something. Or someone.

As I entered adolescence, the number of occasions where I was so hurt that I almost hated myself, started increasing. Right from the remark from my peers on how short I was. To the false assurance that a secret was just forgotten to share and not intentional. Eveything stayed right there in my mind. Not to treat those who said it with contempt. But only to think about it and feel bad later on.

Quite unusually, I would act very normal to the person who hurt me without giving them the slightest hint of how much they hurt me. It continues to be that way. I forgive. But never forget. At times I wonder why I forgive so soon. So easily. There were instances where I’ve wished to go back in time and screw someone’s happiness for hurting me. And that feeling entered me in the past few years, and is getting stronger with time.

Perhaps because I’ve been taken too much for granted of late. Because I never fight back. Or question back. I always take the blame on my head and forgive the one who’s actually at fault. I keep telling myself, that it is a result of plain misunderstanding. Moreover, I believe that words or actions that have caused pain cannot be taken back. And so what’s the point in talking about what’s happened.

The fear of losing a friend also prompts me from not taking the issue forward. Because I know, that bringing up the topic may lead from discussion to debate. And I, at such junctures, prefer keeping conversations short. So I keep my distance. Try not to talk too often. Because when I do, I can’t help but act normal and forget everything. And honestly, I don’t want to. I’m just forced to.

I really hope, one day I can turn back at all those who’ve hurt me and give them a piece of my mind. If there’s anyone who wants to join me in the mission, welcome! Until then, I’ll carry on being a partial Scorpion. Dreaming of a metamorphosis that’ll help me develop ito a full-fledged one. One, that stings!

20 comments:

Jayasuryan said...

Wow here come d “kill bill” woman!
Watch out guyz n gals u r going to c d other side of dis wonderful woman with d most beautiful smile I hav ever seen until dis moment…..
Scorpions may or may not, leave it
People always take revenge whn dey get hurt….d only thing dat differs is how long will they carry it in der mind.
But do u knw one thing d most powerful weapon to strike back whn u get teased/hurt is, simple, just remain calm……….yes exactly like d way u do now with a smile.
The result is going to be amazing bcoz they will sure repent after some moments n feel guilty for d false claims they have made…Its up to u to receive it or not…confused?
Ok lemme explain…..Just imagine a guy comes to you n offer u a red rose or a chocolate. Now it’s up to u whether to receive it or not. Just like dat is words poured by people its all up to u to accept or reject. Never allow your mind to carry “words” (rose/chocolates).
But it doesn’t mean dat u should never react whn an eveteaser make fun of u. D bottom line is react to him but never carry his “words” Never allow d ther persons words to get control of your mind/life. You r d master of your mind n it’s not d other way okei?
Keep smiling
:)

romila said...

I guess mush of what Jayasuryan said here is true. You indeed are the master of your mind. Be firm, assertive, react with your point where and when required but let it not seep in inside you.

Cheers!

Saritha Rajagopal said...

@Jaya: Thanks so much. It did make a huge difference. And made a lot of sense. Will kepe them in mind enxt time (god forbid) Im hurt.
And also, thanks fur d compliment. ;)

@Romila: Welcome to Destiny. Will try not to let the issue seep in too much. Thanks so much. :)

Vibin Boby Joseph said...

Too much of philosophy and too many scorpions. But I love being that creature in the lizard family that hardly remembers anything.

I heard that you get free chicken biriyani if you put some comments out here. Just checking...

rose said...

yea..well i think i know wat sari means...
not all can strike back ..and this is not a thing jus 4 the scorpio guys i think...

but luckly 4 me..i forgive and 4get....and i feel jayasuryan is right...take only words of kindness and love..the others..ignore and 4get...i know..its hard at times..but latr feels really good when the person comes and apolagises!!(a case which unfortunatly is rare).

JEAN PAUL said...

I'll just write what i felt reading your magical words....


EDGE OF LIFE..

"Hearts crossed,in real
Somewhere someone desires
Glance of your eyes,
Scents of your lips...
Days count life,dreams
How's my life moving?
I believe my heart,real
The world smiles,hard
Once, twice, it's gone
Forever, forever, dry
Souls crossed, in real
Hold on, it keeps yelling
Somewhere something still is
Hope, man had it always..
Pulled back, desperate
Let the best happen,musical
Life is rhythm, a symphony
Winner plays tunes, smiles
Look back and see a life..
Fails take turns in wins...
Reach the destined land,near
Choice is belief,it's yours !! "

-jean paul

Pointblank said...

@ur comment on my post

I'm thrilled to know that someone I know landed upon my blog first before I chase them down. Cuz thats wot usually happens. But if m right, I left a comment on ur blog a long time back. Anyways, thanks for dropping by!:)

Then, this post was based on a very small sample. If only I knew ur single, happy, career woman status, I wud havde included a fourth kind. And then, u being this way has a lot to do with the kind of person ur! :) I remember how my Dad used to leave me under Ur n Shalini's (tatz her name rite?) care.

Then, m so sorry bout not stopping to talk to u when I bumped into u. Mom was hospitalized, I dint have a visitor's pass, so I was rushing back to get there in time. Hope all's well with u!

@ ur post.
well.. yeah... same with me. I rarely forget. But then I can't forgive also too soon. I'm heartless when m rubbed the wrong way!

Pointblank said...

Oh! so much for the scorpion talk. Something actually stung me minutes after I read it!!! Now I have a swelling n touch my foot down! :)))

Vik said...

Well, I followed the bread crumbs you left in the blog mate of mine, Pointblank. Hello, hola, bonjour :-)

Well interesting you say Scorpions forgive! I think other way, neither do they forgive nor do they forget. But one thing for sure, you just should not worry and read too much into what some random person talks about. It is your life after all. Live it the way you want. You know half the time people in India can be heartless. They get so excited talking and bitching about someone and when their house is on fire then it is all different story. So yea before I digress, it surely does not matter what others think, this is how you are and people who matter will like you for who you are. Trust me... Now go tiger and bite the rotten idiots living there... !!

Saritha Rajagopal said...

@ Vibin : Sorry dude, biriyani not here. Move on!

@rose: Thanks babe!! I know ignorance is bliss! Just dat to attain bliss, it requires a lot of aptience. Which I lack!! Ugh!!

@ Jean: Welcome to destinty. That was very sweet of u :) Loved them! Thanks, and hope to c u more often.

@pointblank neeths: Babe, teach me the art of being heratless. Puleeeez! Some people deserve nutin less!!

@ vik: Welcome. :) U r so right. Of people doing stuff like it is their business. Taken ur advice, and am all set to bite!! Growl! LOL

Vik said...

LOL you sure know.. I came running to your blog like a pup to the kennel when it's food time LOL... I am glad I was sane when I wrote that part but yea thanks for coming by and catch ya later sometime sooon again. Until then stay calm and big girls don't cry LOL.. totally out of sequence coz I listened to this song when I came to blog... So..

Prajeshsen said...

vakkukal pattupadan thudankiyal kavithayennu parayam
vakkukal veruthe swoupnam kanan thudankiyalo....
kavitha viriyunna vakkukal kuthiniracha blog
kollam

i am a poor journalist
thanks

Vik said...

Oh.. So you know Malayalaam too? :| interesting that.. Well just was bull shitting around to get sleep so chanced on your blog again so here I am doing what I am good at - Bullshit.

Vik said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Guyinthemiddle said...

I dont think Scorpions forget that easily, not to mention forgiving...its in their instinct to fight back. then again, i know meek scorpios too...its more in with person's character rather than the date in which they were born...personally, i think forgiving and forgetting should be done on the offender's merit...

Hari Vishnu said...

Nice style.. saw ur blogs while browsing through some cochinites blogs.. how come there're only 2 posts then.. You've got so many readers after all.. keep writing..

Hari Vishnu said...

And about the blog.. I think im a Scorpion too, though im Capricornian by bdate :-).. i cant seem to forget such memories, but i never bring them out as topics in argument or conversation again, just that it affects my behaviour with that person again..

Saritha Rajagopal said...

Hi Hari.

I think everyone's confused. The two blogs are only part of the first page. U'll see the blog archive and find many more posts. :) Do read them.

I think everybody has a scorpion hidden in them somewhere. I guess scorpions tend to carry out this trait and little more effectively than the rest. LOL

Thanks a lot for visiting my blog. :)

geetha said...

Hi,this is my first time at ur blog and i enjoyed reading this post.
I would like to say that i have also often been in situations where words of hurt from even close friends have caught me off guard and i have blinked and wondered how to react to this.and often times let go of the issue in order to avoid confrontation or perhaps in fear of loosing a friend.
On a deeper analysis of my feelings I realised that it is not exactly the other persons words i was not able to forget and forgive,the fact that i stood there and took abuse from someone and did not fight to protect myself that was more painful..i let someone walk over me and did not stand up for myself is the only scar that remains..

Did'nt they say one is too easy in forgiving others but not oneself.
I have been thinking these thoughts recently and wondering how to change for the better ...

speedskaber said...

I know its an old blog.forgotten one. however, of late, I have started becoming a fan of your blogs! so am i repeating. I join Geetha in this saga!.. she said that right you know. i too used to feel bad about me because i could not save my self from an abuse., not just because someone abused me. Why didnt I have the courage to stand that or guts to offend that the way it was ought to be ? And then forgiving.. depends on gravity of the hurt. to speak precisely, there are some hurts that can never fade from your mind. never fade. however, you may forgive the person who did that to you depending upon the circumstances underwhich that person did that to you.....

empthay...if you have empathy you may forgive.. if you are able to understand why did he say so..why did he do so..by jumping into his soul and figuring out, and if you can justify that persons act, what you would have done in his place, probably similar or worse thing? then you forgive.. otherwise you will never forgive a stupid act..

A child seldom forgives a person who against her or his wishes compelled for some sexual act. never..

I will never forgive that person who tried to have x with me when i was 12 years old. you know.. I went to his house on his request (our neighbour) for a small help from him. He was around 25 years then and was my close friends uncle. This person came close to me after closing his room, and started pressing my thighs and you know i started crying loud!! I was hurt..badly hurt.. Then some how i could run out of his hands and then un bolt the door lock and run.. I did not even pick back that air pillow (that i took to him for repairing..as he offered me for repairing it..) i have not spoken to this person after that. I have not spoken to anyone about this incident. Not even to my mother ( i had lost my father then. Probably i would have told this to my father if he was alive as we were very close). I cannot forgive this person never ever.. He is an old man now may be on is late 60s.. surely might have got my curse! May be he might have felt bad about his act at a later period. I dont know.. but i cant forgive him.. I cant fogive him for sure.. He was trying it with an innocent boy who came for help to him in all good faith.

I sometimes think that I should not forgive god for taking away my father very early from my life.. But then, God is a big guy after all. We have no say...right..

some times we cant even thing of not forgiving and we are helpless!