And yet, it was there…

Wandering eyes, deaf went ears
I spoke from my heart, with no one to hear
A forced little smile, a good word or two,
Is what I wished, a little more from you.

Harsh were those tones, when words pierced deep,
The truth was in your eyes, when you tried to be neat.
From somewhere behind, the corner of my heart,
I wished I went blind, so I could still love your name
And yet, it was there, amidst all despair

I lost it quite often, but found it soon again
And now I try to loose it, but it happens just in vain
My friend it is, my power to push the pain inside
It’s there no matter what, amidst all despair

And yet, its there amidst all despair
Hoping to find one more of its pair,
And in my search for another one,
I almost forgot that I’m loosing mine

Do I keep searching for more?
Or do I stop and look for mine?

When Helius Returned…

It was when feelings unfurled
And the heart opened wide
Down poured a gush
Of all that was once untold

Tickles from within
Brought out the smile, never so shy
Tears filled in the eyes
Which never wished to cry

Thoughts crossed to and fro
With secrets no more
It was when two hearts met
And yet left a lot unsaid

Little did I know

Little did I know…
That a heart so sensitive
One that could never stand

The anguish of a loved one,
The fears of a close one,
Would one fine day be the reason for the same

The path that moved towards a happy end
Would one day take a turn half way
And reach a land where one knew not
The meaning of love, the power of a smile

There were days, when I needed no reason to smile
But searched for one, when my loved ones cried
They often struck back as tears to my eye
And yet I believed, in the magic of a smile.

Little did I know…
That a heart filled with love,
For a close one’s smile,
Would have to search for reasons so many,
And yet fail to find any.

Little did I know…


Learning a Universal Language

It’s weird at times. Especially when you’re caught in the act. But once you’ve attained, what I would call a power, you can’t help but being caught. Because, when you put this power into use, what’s important is observation. And observation can at several instances be misinterpreted as staring. Call it whatever, I OBSERVE, every move, every gesture, every expression. And assume I have the power to read the language of body.

Puts me into trouble sometimes. No, not just when caught red handed. But when it stops you from thinking normally. Like when I asked Natasha what she thought of meeting up for lunch the following weekend. “Umm.Well I guess so.”, “Weekend? Not too sure babe”, “Sounds ok”, could have taken the conversation ahead, steering me away from a journey into my sub conscious mind. Ugh! What I hate most.

But my journey began.

No response. I prompt. “Hmmm?”
A slight nod denoting “Huh”?
I ask “Lunch? This weekend?”
Silence again. “Weekend…?”
“Busy?” I ask, beginning to stare*
“Yeah…dunno. Maybe.”
“See, if it’s possible”
Prompt nod!

By now, I’ve reached half way through. Recollecting every gesture. Every expression. Besides the perfect reason being involved in work, I saw a lot more. And slipped into her mind. And here’s what I read. Call me illiterate. No hassles.

Me: What about lunch this weekend?
Natty: Hmm??(Oh shit! How do I say a no?)
Me: Hmmm?
Natty: Huh? (God!! God! Help!!)
Me: Lunch? This weekend?
Natty: (Ok, No I need to do something.) “Weekend?”
Me: Busy?
Natty: “Yeah…dunno. Maybe.” (No way can I make it)
“See, if it’s possible”
Prompt nod! (Whew! Escaped!)

A whole day hence, was spent within my sub-conscious self. Refreshing what I saw, learning her body language. Making attempts to come out, but in vain.

There were echoes through out. Strengthening the chapters I learnt. They all led to one conclusion. A silent body spoke a lot more. The mind speaks the most. And what you say is a continuation of what your mind talks.

Often, the line between blurting and speaking out goes unnoticed. When you blurt, there’s no dialogue happening within, it’s all on the outside. You speak out what’s been happening within. In a universal language, not learnt by many.

And no matter whether you talk or not, your body does. All the time. Whether you look up, down, take a deep breath; bite your lips, stretch, sit up, anything. And if you’ve learnt the language, everything says something to you. I haven’t. I just assume I’ve got a power. Like many others.

Puts me in trouble, coz, there’s no reference. Apart from experience of course. I’ve just acquired it. From no where.

But does it matter?

I give exams, evaluate and even fail. Miserably. But to myself. So it’s fine.

I do wish I never learnt it. At least it wouldn’t make me ponder. Or regret. Makes me see what I don’t want to. Shows me what they don’t want to.

But maybe someday I’ll see something I wished to. And then I’ll be glad.

So, I’ll wait. And keep staring.*

*Also read as observe/observing.