16.10.12

Insecurity


Everyone’s got a little bit of insecurity

The dancer wears it in her heels
The singer hides it in the lowest note
The artist adds an extra stroke.
The writer reads between her lines
The popular boy revs up his bike.
The “hot chick” goes for the darkest red.
The funny guy laughs at his own jokes.
The nerd tries and cracks a new joke.
The new guy in office rounds his Rs
The old guy acts anti-social, for the first few hours.
 The boss acts bossy, the client acts pally.
The junior comes early and leaves only last.

Everyone’s got a little bit of insecurity

8.8.12

Numb.


It wasn’t the first time she was thinking about it. It had crossed her mind several times before and perhaps 4-5 times on that particular day. She woke up to a message from her sweetheart. It had a smiley and read I love you. That’s all. Nothing fancy. But given that it was after a massive fight they had last night, it probably deserved a little more. She smiled, half a smile, and went back to sleep. In her dreams, she saw a fat woman screaming at a kid, women talking behind corridors and a man smoking a cigar. What they meant, nobody knows. She woke up 2 hours later. She read the message again, but didn’t smile this time. Inside the bathroom, as she splashed water on her face, she woke up. And it crossed her mind for the first time that day. She turned her wrist and found that it hadn’t healed entirely. The cut had made a funny shape exactly where she’d wanted a tattoo. She sighed at the coincidence. But it didn’t seem to bother her. She pressed it to see if it hurt, but nothing happened. She dried her face and walked out, with the towel still in her hands. There was another message waiting. And two calls she had missed. She read the message first. Missing you, it said. As she read it, she wondered what to have for breakfast. She called him on her way to the kitchen. She smiled through the ten minutes they spoke. She spoke like a kid, argued like one and fiddled with a strand of hair, as she did. After hanging up, she poured the coffee into her cup. Too bitter, she thought. Nothing about their conversation. She decided to have it anyway. As she sipped on it, she let her mind wander into the busy road outside. The loud honks, that normally pierced through her ears, weaved another story in her mind. Of wars and battleships and death. She shrugged. As the sugar that had settled at the bottom of the cup made its way to her mouth. She knew what it was. She’d been there too long. Done that, way too many times. She was tucked in between them and had got used to everything around. With every block that she passed, every pit that she dodged, she felt a Déjà vu. She followed the silvery grey road. Ready with an answer at every turn. If she rammed into someone on the way, she’d brush her hair from her eyes and walk away like it could happen to anyone. Nasty comments at work made her yawn, sometimes just frown. She’d sit on her chair all day and let her fingers dance on the keys. They’d sometimes do an ‘lol’ or form dots with a curve. Her lips, however, refused to bend. When the cute guys smiled, she’d smile right back and forget it right then. While it did help her in several other ways, she knew it wasn’t quite what she had wanted. While they crossed her mind several times a day, it hardly ever went any deeper than that. There was nothing anymore that could pinch her awake or weaken her knees. There was never a moment that she could call a moment anymore. Her phone beeped. One Déjà vu led to another. She got onto her bed, cuddled herself and continued feeling numb. 

23.1.12

From there to here.



So long old!

It was nice knowing you, not! Your silly surprises, your dirty tricks. Keep them safe in your deep, dark burrow. That funny feeling that you gave me when I was low? Tuck it under your bed and lie dead on it. Don’t move. Rusted dreams. Cobwebbed memories. Give them to your children. Or even better, put them in a backpack and go take a hike. And never return. Those secrets that you and I shared? Let them out to the world. Coz I don’t really care. I know you’ll keep trying over and again, to lure me into your company. Into your world of negativity. Isn’t that where you are at your best? Isn’t that where you make love with wrath? And make babies and name them fear, guilt and insecurity? I hate you old. Hate you with all my heart. So stay away from me, really. I’ve moved away from you. I’ve left you far behind. Left you to the vultures. Who’ll peck on you, tear you apart and leave no trace of you. So that when I look behind, which God forbid I won’t, I see nothing that’s you. Nothing that’s old. And then I’ll look ahead and keep moving forward. So long old. Take that! The finger!

Hello there new!

I love you. Already.  And I’m sure we have a very long way to go, together. We have so much to do. And I can’t wait to live each and every moment that’s waiting for us. I’m sure you’ll love me just as much as I love you. I can see that already. That smile on my face you brought along with you? That was just a sign of the good days to come. That was just the beginning, I know. Starting here new, you and me will walk together to a happily ever after. You know what I see now? I see jealousy talking sweet to me. I see bitchy being friends with me. I see fear trying too hard to get me. New, I love the change you’ve brought with you. I know that some day, that’ll change too. But I’m sure I’ll love the new change too. Oh and I love your friends too new. Positive, happy and strength especially. They just took me into their arms, the very first day I met you. And I’m sure I’ll have them with me as long as I have you. And that I know, will be forever. I love you new. I love you so very much. Muah!