16.3.08

Anybody there?

I wish someone could read my mind. I’ve had enough of expressing what I do not feel. And I’m so damn bad at it. I’m miserable when it comes to smiling outside when I’m crying with pain within. So the best thing I can do is, argue or look irritated. And yet not letting out what’s in.

I’ve had enough of asking myself what’s right for me. I’ve had enough of asking myself who I really am. And what I really deserve. People close to me show me the easiest way out. But isn’t that coz they love me and think I’m the best and so nothing bad can or should happen to me?

But how good am I really? Is what I do, always the right thing? Is that what I really want? If it involves two people, is it always that Im right and the other, wrong? Simply because Im chirpy and bubbly doesn’t mean Im also the cleanest soul? I can be wrong too, right? I so miss an unbiased advice sometimes.

And I don’t like to believe that I’m as good as people think I am. I sure have the devil hidden inside me. Who prompts me to take a few decisions? So, that makes me the bad one right? Somebody tell me I’m at fault. That I’m wrong. Don’t always say I did the right thing. We are not talking about the good guy and the bad guy here. We are talking about me and an equally or even better human being. So just because you’re my friend doesn’t mean I’m right? Does it? Sometimes what you think is the wrong advice may be the one I want to hear!

Let’s put an end to the blame game. And see what else can be done. Why are things not happening? Coz they’re not meant to? How funnier can that get? If not anything else, see how difficult it has been for me. And why they’ve been so. Try and see what’s been in my mind. And why I think the way I do? And then give me an answer. That’ll help me sleep in peace.

I wish people saw things the way I see them. The way I know them. And then perhaps they’d know what I want. Perhaps there’s no other way for me to be happy from within and outside. And that if I look fine today, it’s not because I’ve defined right and wrong. Its coz sometimes you just do what’s best for the rest.

12 comments:

stonethestone said...

Etro anime : Let It Go

I gave to you more than I owned
And my share was still unknown
I don't want to replay the show
Wanna let it go

You know that our love's been dying
We can't talk though we keep trying
But as long as the love is strong
Let it go
Just let it go

Integrity
Identity and
All the ghosts inside of me
Tell me there's so much I still don't know

If today you were almost dying
Well tomorrow you might be flying
We sure got a ways to go
Let it go
Gotta let it

We finally reached the day
The ties start to break away
I lied to your face I know
I'll never let him go

Don't hang ideals on me
I don't need to know how good it could be
I just want to try and stand-alone
I wanna let it go
I wanna let it go

If today you were almost dying
Girl tomorrow you might be flying
So many ways to go
Gotta let it go

Harish said...

Sweetheart, you are playing your own devil's advocate.

leave that to people like me - my lady. we are born like that... he he he.. cute lil devils we are.

frankly you need to stop thinking. Completely. Just shut down for a while. Be yourself and dont think about right and wrong. Trust me sweets, in that lies the happiness!!!

atleast for a while! lol

Hari Vishnu said...

woaaah.. sounds like some serious stress writing.. I find that blogging helps me get rid of emotions like that fast.. though i wonder if this blog will be on for much long :-)..

Seriously thinkin of adding your blogs link to my 'Psycho blogs' section :)..

Oh and ya.. you are still normal u know.. most of us feel like that sometimes.. only later on you begin to see that if every guy could see every other guy's mind inside out, the world would become a much uglier place to live in :).. Id rather not..

Gangsta Markiv said...

Mate, it is like this. World sees what you see by looking at you. If you are smilly, bubbly and cherubic, that is how people look at what you see. Then again it depends what you are quite annoyed at. So I would reserve my smart ass comments or suggestions. It is all pass away clouds these self questioning periods you know. So until it lasts, nose dive into yourself and go soul searching. All you need to now know is what you want and which zone to touch that might give you some peace.

come back at your best soon. Until then.

arvindiyer said...

Hmmmm I see a pattern in most of ur posts (read almost all). except the tag one.. Just stop thinkin so much and have a beer!!!

Ever heard of the fact that Thinkin is injurious to health?
Some ppl never learn.

Rosemary said...

...right and wrong is in ur heart..if you feel u are in the right u r..but ofcourse i might not feel u r...the funny thing is..i jus might let u belive u r right so as to avoid bad feelings..and wat more even i could be wrong..so the point is..like all the others i suggest u stop thinking 4 a while...shut down ur brain..it should help..then again i am wrong and you are right..thinking harsh thoughts are gud!! you never know..and that my girl..is life!!

craving to love life said...

i will tell u something jus this 1s...not again...wut u r asking for is not something anyone can handle...i have been ther...i have been critical abt sum1 i really cared...but instead o taking it as constructive criticism, i was portrayed as the one thing wrong in tat person's life...u wud hate us even more if we did wut u asked for...

we tell u things, things wich we think are rite....every1's got his/her own rites and wrongs....us telling u wut we think is rite may not b the rite thing for u...it is upto u to make ur own choice...we can(@least i) can only help u in giving u suggestions, situations, concepts,....the rest is upto u....


i kno....i don make no choice...

claytonia vices said...

And I thought I was the only one who thinks too much! I am sure someone can fry an omelet on your head this very minute!

Chill girl.

Saritha Rajagopal said...

To all: All ur comments say one common thing. To stop thinking 2 much. And I guess I shud. Dunno how successful I'd be though. So pls do not be surprised to see a new post, venting out my frustration again. It may be a lil hard to put an end to things, until some solutions are found. And decisions made. Until then, the wheel shall churn. A little lesser, perhaps from now. Thanks to you.

Hari Vishnu said...

hehe.. worried little girl..

hey.. what happened to the momentum.. shouldnt u be blogging more..

Alameen said...

When i do something, i think whether i am doing right... if i feel it is right, then it is right only...

stopped pondering over the past deeds

Cheers
~Al

g-man said...

hmmm...don't let anyone in that far is what i'd say. that way you'd be revealing to them what exactly hurts you the most, and in the long run, that isn't a really good thing. maybe all people aren't like that. i prefer to be a misanthrope though, and this line of thinking suits me just fine. and i wouldn't say stop thinking too much, because that would be wrong. you need to sit down and think about what impact it'll have on you. quit doubting yourself, that'll only make you feel insecure. go ahead and do what you want. if you stop and think about wat effects your decision will have on everyone else, more often than not, you'll end up regretting it. other than very few people, the ones who you know mean everything, the rest of them don't matter. they shouldn't...