I wish someone could read my mind. I’ve had enough of expressing what I do not feel. And I’m so damn bad at it. I’m miserable when it comes to smiling outside when I’m crying with pain within. So the best thing I can do is, argue or look irritated. And yet not letting out what’s in.
I’ve had enough of asking myself what’s right for me. I’ve had enough of asking myself who I really am. And what I really deserve. People close to me show me the easiest way out. But isn’t that coz they love me and think I’m the best and so nothing bad can or should happen to me?
But how good am I really? Is what I do, always the right thing? Is that what I really want? If it involves two people, is it always that Im right and the other, wrong? Simply because Im chirpy and bubbly doesn’t mean Im also the cleanest soul? I can be wrong too, right? I so miss an unbiased advice sometimes.
And I don’t like to believe that I’m as good as people think I am. I sure have the devil hidden inside me. Who prompts me to take a few decisions? So, that makes me the bad one right? Somebody tell me I’m at fault. That I’m wrong. Don’t always say I did the right thing. We are not talking about the good guy and the bad guy here. We are talking about me and an equally or even better human being. So just because you’re my friend doesn’t mean I’m right? Does it? Sometimes what you think is the wrong advice may be the one I want to hear!
Let’s put an end to the blame game. And see what else can be done. Why are things not happening? Coz they’re not meant to? How funnier can that get? If not anything else, see how difficult it has been for me. And why they’ve been so. Try and see what’s been in my mind. And why I think the way I do? And then give me an answer. That’ll help me sleep in peace.
I wish people saw things the way I see them. The way I know them. And then perhaps they’d know what I want. Perhaps there’s no other way for me to be happy from within and outside. And that if I look fine today, it’s not because I’ve defined right and wrong. Its coz sometimes you just do what’s best for the rest.