25.2.08

Conditions Apply!

And after all that thinking that went into Who I am, I still feel there’s a lot more to it. It’s such a vast area to think on. So many aspects to it. Like I can go on and on. But I definitely wouldn’t. So, chill.

The other day, I put up a status message on gtalk asking where the rules of life were compiled. And most of you came up with the answer-in my mind. I’d love to believe so. Every time I look for an answer, all I need to do is ask myself what I felt. What’s right and what’s wrong. And my mind would help me out.

It doesn’t work that ways. At least not for me. Well, there are instances when it does. When the consequences aren’t gonna be too heavy. When I can afford to listen to my mind. And be sure of what lies in store for me and handle it with ease.

But there are other times, when I’m absolutely lost. No decision I take seems to be right. And if I end up doing what my mind says then am I in for a disaster, or what!

But lemme ask you, who really decides what’s right and wrong? The society? Our family? I guess so. Let’s assume that’s the case. Now who decides for them? Is there a sole decision maker somewhere there who carries a book with all the dos and don’ts and the rights and wrongs? Coz we seem to be following them quite sincerely.

Look at the rules that have been set up for us. By whom? Who cares? Rules are rules. If I have to get married to the man of my choice, I need to look up at the book of rules. Or do I just ask my mind if I’m right. Perhaps I would. But I certainly cannot end things there. The final call remains with the book. Why? Because that’s what I’ve been taught to believe.

The rule book, I’ve never seen but always heard of, decides what’s right and what’s wrong. And I unconsciously turn to it, for help. I would perhaps not go ahead and do what my mind tells me to, because I haven’t been taught to do so.

I do what the rules say. They say rules are flexible. Anybody can change it. Perhaps yes. But not all of them. Some of them are rigid. So if I’m to get married, then there you have the countless conditions attached to it. It ought to be to

1. A guy.
2. Who came into the world at least a month before me
3. Into a decent family.
4. From the same caste
5. And religion
6. Similar family
7. School of thought – and all that “necessarily” in that order.

And if the book says so, then so be it. And if it were to be looked into for help, then you’ll find absolutely no clauses attached to the first three for sure. And if you need to alter them, then it’s almost like writing a new book. And you would have rewritten rules. As if you rewrote history or something. Something, that the generations to come are most likely to do. Hopefully.

I have a set of conditions too. Ones I’ve set for myself. And not what the world has asked me to. Coz that’s for me to follow, not the world. And whose life is it anyways? It’s not just marriage that I speak of. It’s the countless dreams and desires each of us carry within our hearts. Or perhaps merely what we do or cannot do in our daily lives.

It’s for us to think about. And decide on what’s best for us. I may be tagged a rebel, which I’m not. Coz all said and done, I’ll still do what the book says. All coz of the strings attached.

Eventually, it’s not about rebelling against norms. It’s about seeing nothing rebellious about it.

14 comments:

Vik said...

Kittie kat, I disagree. To me the rules that we seem to follow are the result of fear of being ostracized. So the result is the when you want the person to marry, you would end up checking if he is in the same caste and what not. Again, nothing wrong. But what separates us from the rest in the better world around us, is seeing the person for what he is. Instead of seeing if he is from a Religion 1 to Caste to sub caste.

Again, am not saying it is wrong but my perception to all is quite different. Now the rules have all set up bunch of people around us to ensure that we can live in a group. The fear was what if one of the person brought in someone who was not the same as the group. Those days it was more of knowing someone and each other for every odd job. So it became important not to miff anyone around us.

I think times have changed around us to be worried about people around us other than the family. Besides, do we honestly know the neighbors any better? I don't and I don't care. So whom are we afraid of? Why are we afraid of living our lives? What stops us from doing that elusive - chasing your dreams and going by what your heart says?

Personal choice is one part but I give two hoods to what others think . Besides it is my life !

Vik said...

Oh perhaps that is one reason why we are so good in India when it comes to liking someone and not going forward with that choice because of the fear and series of "What IF" questions. We are all comfortably numb and we chose to ignore something that slightly disturbs the equilibrium of the family, who in turn think about the hapless society(Which has never helped me !). This is where we have to pick some cue from other developed societies. Like a person for who he or she is. Work like it matters to you and you alone. Party like it liberates you and you alone. Have fun and one day when you die you would not think, "What did the society think of me?". That time the invisible society would be frowning and question you "Who are you, BTW?".

Perhaps, I rant better than anyone. Sorry about the extended spams !

Jayasuryan said...

If others try to persuade u into doing something u r not comfortable doing, dare to say NO
People like being different! Think about it...if u dressed n acted like 10 million other people, would u be different?
No.So be yourself n dont giv into those horrifying peer pressures.
I hate d word "revolution". To me there exist no such word. I respect people, admit their existence, n relate to them. If there beliefs dont correspond with mine, i will not go n demolish their values. I hav no right to do that. The key of living is to harmonise yourself with others, n if u dont like or agree with someting or sumone, keep those feelings with u, dont react.
Communicate ur feelings to ur parents, gud or bad. Where there is disagreement hav an open discussion.
I think u hav de-linked yourself frm their world. You r not alone in this world, u hav to co-exist, seek, dont expect everything will happn d way u want.
d minute u put yourself on a pedestal, u will wither in frustration. i think thats wat happnd to u ( maybe im wrong). ur frustration is ur own creation.
kill d ego, learn to deal with it, n u will survive, n survive well
;)

Harish said...

Just one line...

You rule girl...

May god bless this land with more such people.

Hail Saritha

Me said...

I beg to disagree with the so called "rule book"!And talkin bout makin disastrous decisions on ur own,hey..thats wat life is all bout!!!we screw up n then we get up n go on with life.it wuldnt b any fun if v ver all livin in he perfect world!i for one wuld b freakin bored to death:)
ps:blog's damn good.i like it!!good goin!

Saritha Rajagopal said...

@ All:

So u guys say dat I shud not bother bout wut the world has to say and make my own road? Sounds fine. And vik, rightly said bout the fear! The fear that comes from the strings attached. And ya Jaya, mebbe I shud stop worrying too much and just believe in myself.

I know ur words will echo the next time Im in a dilemma. Thanks a bunch!

claytonia vices said...

And why do I think it is a better choice to follow your own road in the end? Coz those voices which told u to judge the ability of a person to be a good spouse (for example) based on things like religion, caste, sub-caste etc. will not be there when you are facing the consequences. You alone will face them. So when THAT is the case it's good to give it a little thought, isn't it?

And yeah I do know how they try to instill fear as if there are rules that are actually written somewhere... but the truth is that these are constantly changing and what was 'wrong' a few hundred years ago can be 'right' now... that's why we have education, to help us think for ourselves while these predecided may be taken as not more than 'guidelines'...

They say most of the problems mankind faces is because of the younger generations blindly accepting things given to them without asking whys and hows...

It was actually the 'rule book' which said that anyone who leaves land will die a painful death that kept many Indians from exploring the seas during ancient times...

Pointblank said...

babe, is this really bout conditions or marriage??? And u have a problem getting married to a guy?!?!. Ok, try a girl instead! NO! NO! NOT ME!! Sorry, m in a crazy mood! lol!

But tat said, I totally empathise with u! I know wotz going thru ur mind. but dint know the chirpy girl could be a rebel. I was always tagged a rebel. Tho ppl gave it different tags like 'peculiar', 'crazy', 'unrealistic', 'rocket scientist'. Now tat rocket thing was not to say m super intelligent. Just to say tat I think too much!

So, these conditions laid down by the society didnt happen overnight. It eveolved over time. These r lil gimmicks to discipline ppl. Thatz all. I know it. U know it. We all know it. But nobody agrees. Because we fear! If u ask me, I wud say listen to ur heart, esply in matters of the heart. But if ur chicken-hearted, go with the society. Damn the heart!

But honestly, things like age, religion, sexuality (ahem ahem) wont matter much. Compatibility n chemistry matter! So wot is it? U in love with a younger christian/ muslim boy/girl? lol!

Are u one of those poor souls fighting the pressures of getting married?? I can give u tips on chat! lol!

then, u do know nisha right! Shez a very good friend of mine. And wot wer u doing in Chennai after STC? Or should I ask u again in chat?!?

Vik said...

@Sari:

Now I know where I parked my car. So what's going on with the twist in the story part. I like when girls and girls do it. As in talk and laugh.. Honestly what were you even thinking LOL..

But I would like to know what you would say about Nisha :-) .. Hawt eh?

Well then it took me while to really figure out what was the under deep current of this post. Thanks to Neets, I connect the missing dots.

Sweet...

Shrinivas said...

I wud suggest that all things have to follow some rules, either a strict rule or a crazy rule but rules are rules.You cry for milk when u r a child, u try to copy when u r not prepared for the exam, u try to hide when u want nobody's interferance, u tend to react to certain things at certain time, marriage is also same, u can marriage at 68yrs but u wud miss few friends during the photo session..I wud advice u to get married and enjoy life..like me

Shrinivas said...

I like the view point of "me posted on Feb26...want to reach the blog but blocked,btw Very well said CONGRATS!!!

Hari Vishnu said...

well well..sounds like one of those outrageous fits i have here..(must be the age, or the collg atmosphere :-))

about these 'rules'(theyre opening up in today's society, mind you).. if u applied all of them to the whole population of kerala, for eg., u might end up with a few dozen hits in all :-).. add looks,character etc to that and u'd then end up with no option but to be bachelor, right.. these are really troubling numbers i used to show my parents too when they talk about these 'rules'..

but on a more serious note, they say opposite poles attract, but i havent found this true always..dont u feel that if u went with someone totally different from you in all aspects, at some point there would be a 'matching' problem?.

i dont say that relationships require the same background, 'school of thought', etc.. but it's necessary that u 2 dont disagree on many things to be able to continue ur relationship well..i've seen this problem happen in many cases.. this is the only answer my poor innocent conscious half has been able to give the other desperate rebellious half for years :-).. (not very satisfactory, but enough to stall me atleast)

i'm not tryin to support these rules..i hate them equally.. just a possible consolation for their existence.. after all, its india :-)..

aryan said...

Yeah
I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you
right now Straighten up little soldier,Stiffen up that upper lip
What you crying about?
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
Cuz you're scared
Daddy loves you girl and you better know it
they're all you got in this world
When it spins, when it swirls.
Now hush little lady, don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby
But I promise momma's gon' be alright ;)

aryan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.