Happily ever after.

What could get better than this? You and your first-grade buddies, sitting together on the park bench in school, 15 years later.

I’d say, nothing.

5^th September was special. And I can’t seem to stop smiling, as I write about it. It was not just a walk down memory lane, but re-living each and every moment we could remember. And it almost felt like we were there, behind our desks, passing comments on the teacher in front, exchanging notes, re-writing assignments, forging dad’s signature, rehearsing dance moves, singing out of tune – without a pinch of shame.

God! Am I in love with you guys!

I used to be the “singer”. Ahem. And no, it wasn’t one of those, Oh-God-sari- do-you-still-sing moments. But a oh-remember-how-funny-it-was-to-hear-her sing-that-song moment. Lol. Yeah, that was something else that made the whole evening “different” There was not once that there was a long silence, when we looked at each other, took a deep breath and went, “those were the days”. We were back in time, remember? So we did what we’ve always been doing in class and outside. Pulling each other’s legs, finding faults, blaming someone for being smarter, laughing at how girls from other schools were always more beautiful than our own (and yes, that included me), basketball court stories, exam hall goof ups, everything that brought out the worst in us. Not one single moment of feeling good. But a whole evening of being ourselves.

Two of the guys brought their wives. Praveen and Debie. And it was so funny to see them join us in teasing their husband with their old girlfriends (lines, in the typical mallu slang). Sangeetha, Praveen’s wife couldn’t stop laughing when we told her how he used to swing on the bars in the park, to impress a certain someone. Rintu – Mrs. Debie, on the other hand, was curious. She wanted to know what else her husband was upto other than tearing pages of library books, that carried women in their bare minimums. Stany, the smart ass he’s always been, didn’t bring his wife Manju. He knew one thing for sure, that that would be the last day of his “and they lived happily ever after” story. Haha! And he was soo right! Rajesh is engaged to Sandra. She will be joining us in our next get-together. We’ll make sure she does. No matter what big idea the man has in his mind! ;)

I’ll be posting pictures soon. And I’ll keep saying this to myself, very often, from now on. I’ve had the best school days ever. And the most adorable fellahs as my friends. There’s nothing that can take them away from me. Nothing that’ll replace those wonderful days. Love you guys so much.

Can’t wait for October 2, already. ;)

Yesterday.

I dragged it back.

It obliged, without a smile.

It lay there. Still.

And wondered why.

It's nothing.

Sometimes all you need to be happy, is nothing. Nothing in your mind, nothing in your head, and (sometimes) nothing in your wallet either. Absolute emptiness. Yogis call it the art of meditating. I’d call it pure bliss. Because when there’s nothing to worry about, you have nothing to worry about. So let’s see. How easy is it to close your eyes and dance to a tune you can’t hear? Every chord, every beat, every string so clear, that you wake up to hear the noise in a silent room. Ever been able to keep your head void of every little sound that your mind makes? That of fear, that of doubt, maybe a giggle or a tiny tear? How far does your head go to seal itself from what the mind echoes? And who decides what enters the mind and what stays outside? You? Who else? All that’s in there is what’s out there. Right from bad coffee to bad tempers. Goof ups to higher ups. Pretty smiles to forgotten ones. That one line to a million other expressions. It all goes in there and like a bunch of tiny tots jabber all way long. Leaving you with not an inch left for that speck of silence you were looking for. You try hard, go deep inside in search of that piece of mind. But rarely find it. Not that easy when there’s a clutter you have to go through. I’d think that the simplest way to find a way out, would be to find the way in. If you do, then be the friendly guard who lets in the good and sends back the bad. Because the good, they talk, but only when you want them to. And when they don’t, close your eyes and dance to a tune you can’t hear. J

Gifted.

I mean, you probably have magical powers or something. Or wait, you must be like Vicky in small wonder, the scientifically programmed robot? You programme yourself to listen and then delete everything once you’re done, and that way, make space for the next time. Or oh I know. I’ll tell you. Your memory gets erased every night, so when you wake up the next day you don’t remember a word we’ve spoken the previous day. No? Hey! It’s got to be one of these, right? How on earth otherwise, dear friend, do you manage to listen to me sulk and crib every damn time and still like calling me your friend?

I love you dear one for being the way you are. I know I’ve been a pain with my eternal saga of “issues”. I swear, I’ve tried to solve them myself. But nothing seems to work like talking with you at length. The way you make it seem like I’ve just started on my woes when I’m almost two hours through. The way you smile at my biggest problem and laugh at my silly findings. And the way you listen to me with a serious face, like I’m echoing your problems and not mine. And then take me out of the mess, carefully, cleverly, not hurting me even a lil bit. None but you, my friend can do so.

I want to hold tight on to you, so that I never have to leave you. Cos honestly, I wouldn’t blame you if you ever thought of running away. With a friend like me, it’s nothing, but natural. But before you do, please do leave me a note telling me where I can find you. So that I can follow you wherever you go. :D Cos I fear my friend, that I wouldn’t be able to do without you. When you look into my eye, I know it's my mind that you see. And none but you can possibly reach that far.

So my conscience, my friend, my surprise gift from heaven, let me tell you this if I haven’t before, you’re truly special and will always remain so.

Let go.

I let go. Let go off old smiles and put on new ones. Might look fake to you now, but soon you’ll get used to them. For all you know, they might just start looking real after a while. I let go. Let go off the memories that stuck to me like on old spider’s web. It was tough taking them off. One by one. One stickier than the other. But I managed to get them all off. You might see a few here and there, coz they’ve gone deep down into the skin. Finding a place for itself, like a home of its own. So they might remain. But not for too long, for sure. Coz I need to take them off too. I have no space for anything old anymore. I let go. Let go off all that’s old, disturbing and useless. I need them no more. I need to move on. I let go off old butterflies. Let them fly off. They danced in vain. Fluttered, but in pain. I almost killed them. Coz I didn’t need them. But I loved their moves, loved the songs. And so I just let them fly. To find a place where they can stay, where nobody tells them to go away. I let go off the shine in my eyes. I let go off the tears that they held. The dreams that they saw. Don’t call them dead, coz they’re just quiet. They speak no language. They see no dream. But they aren’t dead. I just let go off the life in them. I let go off the lump in my heart. The knot in my throat. I let go off all that’s stopped me from being me. I let go. Let go off the hope that put me to sleep. Hope that never saw the light of the day. Hope that spoke the language I knew. And said everything I ever wanted to hear. I let go. All that wrote a story called me. Or a chapter maybe. I turn the pages, smell a fresh new leaf. I let go the past. The future I see.