Weight Laws!

I badly want to lose weight. But not so badly that I’ll wake up at 6 am to go gymming. Or not so badly that I can give up on good food. But I have to lose weight like badly! Ok, now don’t give me that look. I’ve got enough of those and even more from people who'e heard my fundas about the whole thing.

The very first time I consciously got into a weight loss programme was four years back. I remember walking into a gym and watching people work out like there was an invasion expected and people who were fat would be beheaded. So much involvement, so much dedication.

I looked at them and then at myself. And in a day I was there too. Working out equally hard! Believe it or not, I would wake up early morning and drag myself to the gym and work out for 2 straight long hours! I was so proud of myself. I loved it when people looked at me the same way I looked at some others a few weeks back!

It went on for nearly 6 months. At the end of which, I was beginning to get used to people's comments. “You’ve lost weight”, “Hey what have you been doing?” And I would just shrug and say, “Nothing. I just workout a lil bit.” Yeah right! And once I was done with all the praises and feeling good, I was soon back to my old self. Over confidence I guess – that "Oh It just takes a few visits to the gym to get rid of that!" feeling. The few visits however never happened.

I tried hard to keep my eyes open and get myself on the treadmill. But the josh was no longer there! I felt too heavy in my head (Pun intended, Of course) to keep it going.

The following weeks and months saw various new ways to lose weight take shape! The GM diet, skipping, crunches (the max I did were 15?). Finally one worked! The no rice and a lot of veggies diet!

Man! Did it work wonders! I slept as much as I wished! Ate all the food I liked. And still managed to shrink. All I did was replace my lunch with veggies and give up on rice completely (2-3 spoons not counted)!

I remember the looks I got when I told people the way my diet worked! Comments like, “That’s not how it works”, “You’ll only fall sick.” Or just a mere shake of the head (Mallu style) meaning ya right, came in abundance!

The winner was, “Nothing’s going to happen. Wait and watch! You’ll remain the way you are!” I found myself searching for a vase then!

I know it’s hard to believe that you get to eat what you like and still lose weight. The lunch was all that I gave up. And that too not completely. I did gorge on rotis sometimes. Soups and fruit juices kept me going.

But the best part of all this was I could look forward to dinner! That was when I would pamper my taste buds by treating it to some yummy stuff I could bite into! And when it worked, it was once again compliment time! Oh, how I loved it when I shared the secret with those “wise” ones!

Then soon, Chennai happened. Away from home, left with no choice. I either had to cook my own food or eat what I got. Make a wild guess what I chose! I began eating anything and everything I got my hands on. With a heavy heart and (most often a heavy stomach) I saw them come back! All the fat that I got rid of with the rice was making its presence felt once again.

And now, as I write this, I wonder what I should have for dinner. The no rice diet has struck and eyebrows are raised again. But it doesn’t look like I’ll stick by it this time. For once, I’ll let the wise ones be. So much for the two divine creations called food and sleep!

Some songs, sometimes make so much sense. Like they were written for you.

Dido - White Flag

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, Or tell you that.But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder Or return to where we were
I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again And I caused nothing but trouble I understand if you can't talk to me again And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense
I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet Which I'm sure we will All that was thereWill be there still I'll let it pass And hold my tongue And you will think That I've moved on....
I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be

Hope!

The other day, I met an old friend. She had recently broken up with the man she loved for 4 years and still loves. Why they broke up? Family pressures. I know. It’s weird that even today such problems exist. That a girl or a guy has to wait, look both sides, and only then proceed or just retreat.

Their love was one of those beautiful stories one would like to hear. One that made people believe that they were newly in love every time they saw them. Long distance, late nights, early mornings. Love for them, saw no barrier. Not once, have I heard either of them complain about the other. Crib about what she had done or he had not done.

She once told me that with him, love had just one meaning. And that was being happy. Tears did make friendly appearances. But only at the thought of losing him. And that haunted her quite often. Little did she know that it was bound to happen one day.

Seeing her in the state she was, I began wondering how unfair the world is. Where she has to see the guy she loves so dearly walk away with another woman. And he has to see some other guy fulfill the promises he made to her someday. Helplessness. Frustration. And above all, the love that’s still alive within them made life miserable!

And what can anyone do anything now? It’s a whole lot of new people involved. But I know for one, the love she has for her guy is beyond comparison. No matter what the world tells her or shows her, she would stick by her choice. Although she feels and is forced to believe that he has moved on. And she knows it’s too late to catch up, leaning back and watching the show is not what she wants to do.

She’s sure of her love. Sure that there’s none other in the world who’d love him as dearly as she does. And that’s what keeps her going. And she wishes he understands it someday. She knows he does still. But is forced to turn a blind eye. She hopes that one day he’ll choose to see. Only what he wants to. And not what the world wants him to.

5Ws and one H!

I’ve been in a mood to write for so long now! But, I haven’t so far, coz I’ve always felt that I won’t be doing justice to my feelings. The anger, frustration, confusion and restlessness that’s been in my mind won’t be reflected enough in what I write. And so I’ve just kept them within myself. Letting them fight with each other. Knowing that it’ll go on. But I was sure that some day, I’ll be forced to write.

And today is the day. When I’m writing with no choice left. How I wish I knew what else can be done. I know it’s just a phase and that I’ll be fine soon. But how soon? I’ve never been patient. And I’ve been trying hard for the past few months. It has definitely helped me a lot. But it’s not anymore. At least not now. All I can think of now, is to scream, yell and ask life, what the hell do you think of yourself? It’s just momentary. I don’t feel this way always. And honestly, I have no hard feelings towards my life at all.

I’m still happy and thankful about a lot of stuff. I’m being very optimistic about whatever’s in store for me. But there are times when I feel like questioning life and doing all that I’ve mentioned above. Am sure everyone feels that way at some point or the other. I’m doing everything possible not to let these feelings ruin my life. Coz if I do, then I’ll be in a bigger mess. Right now, I have this broad smile on my face and am greeting life everyday with it. I sulk, crib whatever, within myself or very rarely.

I’m already feeling better. I’m beginning to think what I was so mad about. (LOL). I know and have always known it’s nothing serious. Perhaps why, I’ve not blown my top off yet. It’s been stuff I can handle. But yea, the mixed feelings have always been there. I get mad at people; I feel like crying sometimes, wondered what the hell? But never got an answer! Probably that just means, shut up and wait! Perhaps I need a knock on my head. On second thoughts, got enough of those too. But never understood for what.

Is it really just me? I may be dumb, yea mebbe. Which is why I have the same questions pondering over me time and again. If not, I should have found answers long back to questions that keep popping up! I don’t mind moving on. I can. But not just by telling myself “Aah, leave it!” or “No point thinking.” or “You’re just over reacting.” Mebbe I don’t wanna forget. Or mebbe I do. But not just like that. Mebbe I want to tackle it, find answers and then forget, but I don’t know how to and what. And that’s what’s bothering me.

Something new!

What if? Will I? Again? Some questions that haunted me time and again before I decided on a shift to chennai. What happened three years back, was still there somewhere. Reminding me, warning me, and scaring me. And no way did I want history to repeat this time. I hoped for a new beginning. A new life. One that I’d never wish to leave. And today, with a broad smile on my face, I admit I’ve got it all.

It’s been over a month now in this city full of buzz. (Apologies hence, dear readers, for the gap.) And it’s almost like I’m in love. With the place. I wake up every day hoping to see a new day waiting for me. Ready to greet me with it’s warm smile. And embracing me comfortingly, when I feel lost. It’s been a different feeling this time. Like a bag full of surprises. Good ones. New faces. New places. New ideas. And most importantly, new feelings.

Life, as if, has suddenly taken a new turn. Making me want to explore more. Making me wonder, why not before? Like I’ve very little time and so many things to do. People, whom I wished I met earlier in life. And wish to know a lot more about, but wonder if I ever will. Your mind starts playing all sorts of games with you. When you’re alone, all by yourself, you begin to think on a lot of things you’ve never thought about before. You do a flashback of your life and wonder where it’s heading. And then you ask yourself, was that my life, or is this the beginning?

I wouldn’t deny there are times I feel like a stranger in my own life. Times when I’m unsure of what I want. Because if what I did until a month back is what my life’s all about, the life I lead now seems a lot more exciting. And I find myself asking me, hi! so where did you come from?

If I were given an option to create a new life for myself, I would like to pick and choose a little from my past and some from my present and a create beautiful future. My family, my friends from yesterday I can’t afford to loose and some people today, I’d love to treasure all my life. You feel you met them for a reason. They’re not just a passing cloud. And are here to stay. But then you look around and see, that you’ve run out of place. But you just can’t let them go. Now, what do you do?

Not everything’s changed after all. I’m still my same old confused self. With a hundred questions pondering over me. I’ve been told by someone that I shouldn’t think so much. Coz it shows all over my face. But sometimes when I think and I want to talk about it, but can’t, my face just helps.

I’m waiting. For my life to unfold as each day passes. Whatever has been, in the past one month, has only brought a smile on face. And am almost sure it’ll continue doing so. Provided some things don’t change. And some people, stay.