A Love Story

This is the story of a boy and a girl. May sound like just another love story to you. Which it definitely is. Because like in any other love story, the boy and the girl loved each other deeply. Like every other couple, they fought deciding who loved whom more. But unlike many other destinies, theirs took them far away from each other. And yet, their love grew with every passing day. They yearned to be in each others arms. And longed for the warmth of their love.

This is a real story. This is my story. On second thoughts, how can reality be a story? And why would I want to call this a story? This is my reality. Because, this is one of the very few real things that happened in my life. Everything about it was real. The feeling of my heart skipping a beat when I first met him was real. The feeling when I smiled seeing his number flash on my cell was real. The feeling, when I realized I was in love with him, was real. The feeling when we kissed for the first time was real. My love for him was real. He was real. Then what went wrong? I still don’t know. Nobody knows.

It was decided. That he’s the guy I wanted in my life. Probably it was the passion in his voice when he spoke to me. Or perhaps the love in his eyes when he looked at me. I couldn’t stop myself from loving him all the more, every time I spoke to him. There was nothing different in him. And yet there was something special about him. He never went on his knees to propose to me. He never ever took me out on a dinner date. Never sent me those cards with all mushy stuff written all over. He never got the boy to deliver roses at my place. He did nothing that a love struck Romeo would do. But everything about him made me go crazy. I was truly, deeply and madly in love with this guy. I still am.

Amongst all the stuff he never did for me, he had some really nice ways of making me feel special. Like kissing me goodbye and apologizing a hundred times for a busy day at work, and then leaving half day complaining to his boss about a bad headache, to spend the rest of the day with me. Calling me at 12 am, on my bday and reciting a poem he wrote for me. Writing one liner mails saying he loved me like mad. And pulling me against him and saying I was his dream come true, at a “tell me your dreams” game at the Spencer’s Mall.

For me, it was life on cloud 9. I was never in love with anyone so much before. Those who know me also know of the innumerable crushes I’ve had. But with him, I knew it wasn’t just one of those. There was a certain gentleness about him that drew me closer to him. It was as if he spoke romantically, even when he told me how upset he was when I didn’t answer his call the whole day. Even in the worst of his moods, I felt like hugging him tight and leaving myself to his control.

Fights never happened. Arguments died before they were started. All of which was possible thanks to his calm, patient and mature self. Which also taught me a lot. Although unintentionally, he had shown me how to take a relationship further. I’m sure if he’s reading this, he’ll disagree. But if not for him, I would have never known what a relationship meant and how to be happy in it. Thanks for that.

And then it all happened. One after the other. We saw all our dreams disappear. He was sent to the US for a project. I cried the whole night. I was sure however, that come what may; it’s him I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. And decided, be it a year or more, I’ll wait. And like we had known, nothing changed.

We spoke every day. There was hardly a day when he went to bed without wishing me good night. The only thing that changed was the timing. The only difference that came between us. I’d be at work, while he was preparing to hit the bed. I recollect the days when I’d say I’m busy at work, so we can’t talk. He’d wait for a couple of hours, assume that I’d be free and call me again. All this when it’s nearing sunrise in his part of the world. He’d keep himself awake only so that he could talk to me before sleeping. No matter how hard a day he had. And when time permitted, we would talk for hours together. Through the night at times.

Our love flourished. I thanked my stars for getting him. I knew that he was the best thing that happened to me. I knew that I could love no one like I loved him. I was the happiest human being in the world. I loved being in love with him. It was all so pure. Everything seemed so perfect. Nothing could ever go wrong. I knew I couldn’t be happier without him. And I knew he felt the same way.

I waited for him to come back. There were places I wanted to go with him. Where it was just the two of us. I dreamt of a life together with him. I knew he’ll make me his when he’s here.

He’s here today. But seems to have left everything else behind. He says, things are different. I tried hard to see what, but saw nothing. If there was something, why am I unable to see it? He has no answer to give me. I hate to believe it’s over. Everything seems to have come to a standstill. I don’t know where to go from here. What to do next.
I still love him. And I’m sure he loves me too. And I wonder why he’s doing this. It’s not the end for me. I can’t let it end this way. I can’t stop loving him just like that.

I don’t know where my life’s headed towards. I have absolutely no clue what’s in store for me. But there’s definitely one thing I’m sure about. He’s the love of my life. And will always be so. Nothing’s going to change. I’ve always loved him. And will always do.

And yet, it was there…

Wandering eyes, deaf went ears
I spoke from my heart, with no one to hear
A forced little smile, a good word or two,
Is what I wished, a little more from you.

Harsh were those tones, when words pierced deep,
The truth was in your eyes, when you tried to be neat.
From somewhere behind, the corner of my heart,
I wished I went blind, so I could still love your name
And yet, it was there, amidst all despair

I lost it quite often, but found it soon again
And now I try to loose it, but it happens just in vain
My friend it is, my power to push the pain inside
It’s there no matter what, amidst all despair

And yet, its there amidst all despair
Hoping to find one more of its pair,
And in my search for another one,
I almost forgot that I’m loosing mine

Do I keep searching for more?
Or do I stop and look for mine?

When Helius Returned…

It was when feelings unfurled
And the heart opened wide
Down poured a gush
Of all that was once untold

Tickles from within
Brought out the smile, never so shy
Tears filled in the eyes
Which never wished to cry

Thoughts crossed to and fro
With secrets no more
It was when two hearts met
And yet left a lot unsaid

Little did I know

Little did I know…
That a heart so sensitive
One that could never stand

The anguish of a loved one,
The fears of a close one,
Would one fine day be the reason for the same

The path that moved towards a happy end
Would one day take a turn half way
And reach a land where one knew not
The meaning of love, the power of a smile

There were days, when I needed no reason to smile
But searched for one, when my loved ones cried
They often struck back as tears to my eye
And yet I believed, in the magic of a smile.


Little did I know…
That a heart filled with love,
For a close one’s smile,
Would have to search for reasons so many,
And yet fail to find any.


Little did I know…

Learning a Universal Language

It’s weird at times. Especially when you’re caught in the act. But once you’ve attained, what I would call a power, you can’t help but being caught. Because, when you put this power into use, what’s important is observation. And observation can at several instances be misinterpreted as staring. Call it whatever, I OBSERVE, every move, every gesture, every expression. And assume I have the power to read the language of body.

Puts me into trouble sometimes. No, not just when caught red handed. But when it stops you from thinking normally. Like when I asked Natasha what she thought of meeting up for lunch the following weekend. “Umm.Well I guess so.”, “Weekend? Not too sure babe”, “Sounds ok”, could have taken the conversation ahead, steering me away from a journey into my sub conscious mind. Ugh! What I hate most.

But my journey began.

No response. I prompt. “Hmmm?”
A slight nod denoting “Huh”?
I ask “Lunch? This weekend?”
Silence again. “Weekend…?”
“Busy?” I ask, beginning to stare*
“Yeah…dunno. Maybe.”
“See, if it’s possible”
Prompt nod!

By now, I’ve reached half way through. Recollecting every gesture. Every expression. Besides the perfect reason being involved in work, I saw a lot more. And slipped into her mind. And here’s what I read. Call me illiterate. No hassles.

Me: What about lunch this weekend?
Natty: Hmm??(Oh shit! How do I say a no?)
Me: Hmmm?
Natty: Huh? (God!! God! Help!!)
Me: Lunch? This weekend?
Natty: (Ok, No I need to do something.) “Weekend?”
Me: Busy?
Natty: “Yeah…dunno. Maybe.” (No way can I make it)
“See, if it’s possible”
Prompt nod! (Whew! Escaped!)


A whole day hence, was spent within my sub-conscious self. Refreshing what I saw, learning her body language. Making attempts to come out, but in vain.

There were echoes through out. Strengthening the chapters I learnt. They all led to one conclusion. A silent body spoke a lot more. The mind speaks the most. And what you say is a continuation of what your mind talks.

Often, the line between blurting and speaking out goes unnoticed. When you blurt, there’s no dialogue happening within, it’s all on the outside. You speak out what’s been happening within. In a universal language, not learnt by many.

And no matter whether you talk or not, your body does. All the time. Whether you look up, down, take a deep breath; bite your lips, stretch, sit up, anything. And if you’ve learnt the language, everything says something to you. I haven’t. I just assume I’ve got a power. Like many others.

Puts me in trouble, coz, there’s no reference. Apart from experience of course. I’ve just acquired it. From no where.

But does it matter?

I give exams, evaluate and even fail. Miserably. But to myself. So it’s fine.

I do wish I never learnt it. At least it wouldn’t make me ponder. Or regret. Makes me see what I don’t want to. Shows me what they don’t want to.

But maybe someday I’ll see something I wished to. And then I’ll be glad.

So, I’ll wait. And keep staring.*


*Also read as observe/observing.