Some songs, sometimes make so much sense. Like they were written for you.

Dido - White Flag

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, Or tell you that.But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder Or return to where we were
I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again And I caused nothing but trouble I understand if you can't talk to me again And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense
I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet Which I'm sure we will All that was thereWill be there still I'll let it pass And hold my tongue And you will think That I've moved on....
I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be

Hope!

The other day, I met an old friend. She had recently broken up with the man she loved for 4 years and still loves. Why they broke up? Family pressures. I know. It’s weird that even today such problems exist. That a girl or a guy has to wait, look both sides, and only then proceed or just retreat.

Their love was one of those beautiful stories one would like to hear. One that made people believe that they were newly in love every time they saw them. Long distance, late nights, early mornings. Love for them, saw no barrier. Not once, have I heard either of them complain about the other. Crib about what she had done or he had not done.

She once told me that with him, love had just one meaning. And that was being happy. Tears did make friendly appearances. But only at the thought of losing him. And that haunted her quite often. Little did she know that it was bound to happen one day.

Seeing her in the state she was, I began wondering how unfair the world is. Where she has to see the guy she loves so dearly walk away with another woman. And he has to see some other guy fulfill the promises he made to her someday. Helplessness. Frustration. And above all, the love that’s still alive within them made life miserable!

And what can anyone do anything now? It’s a whole lot of new people involved. But I know for one, the love she has for her guy is beyond comparison. No matter what the world tells her or shows her, she would stick by her choice. Although she feels and is forced to believe that he has moved on. And she knows it’s too late to catch up, leaning back and watching the show is not what she wants to do.

She’s sure of her love. Sure that there’s none other in the world who’d love him as dearly as she does. And that’s what keeps her going. And she wishes he understands it someday. She knows he does still. But is forced to turn a blind eye. She hopes that one day he’ll choose to see. Only what he wants to. And not what the world wants him to.

5Ws and one H!

I’ve been in a mood to write for so long now! But, I haven’t so far, coz I’ve always felt that I won’t be doing justice to my feelings. The anger, frustration, confusion and restlessness that’s been in my mind won’t be reflected enough in what I write. And so I’ve just kept them within myself. Letting them fight with each other. Knowing that it’ll go on. But I was sure that some day, I’ll be forced to write.

And today is the day. When I’m writing with no choice left. How I wish I knew what else can be done. I know it’s just a phase and that I’ll be fine soon. But how soon? I’ve never been patient. And I’ve been trying hard for the past few months. It has definitely helped me a lot. But it’s not anymore. At least not now. All I can think of now, is to scream, yell and ask life, what the hell do you think of yourself? It’s just momentary. I don’t feel this way always. And honestly, I have no hard feelings towards my life at all.

I’m still happy and thankful about a lot of stuff. I’m being very optimistic about whatever’s in store for me. But there are times when I feel like questioning life and doing all that I’ve mentioned above. Am sure everyone feels that way at some point or the other. I’m doing everything possible not to let these feelings ruin my life. Coz if I do, then I’ll be in a bigger mess. Right now, I have this broad smile on my face and am greeting life everyday with it. I sulk, crib whatever, within myself or very rarely.

I’m already feeling better. I’m beginning to think what I was so mad about. (LOL). I know and have always known it’s nothing serious. Perhaps why, I’ve not blown my top off yet. It’s been stuff I can handle. But yea, the mixed feelings have always been there. I get mad at people; I feel like crying sometimes, wondered what the hell? But never got an answer! Probably that just means, shut up and wait! Perhaps I need a knock on my head. On second thoughts, got enough of those too. But never understood for what.

Is it really just me? I may be dumb, yea mebbe. Which is why I have the same questions pondering over me time and again. If not, I should have found answers long back to questions that keep popping up! I don’t mind moving on. I can. But not just by telling myself “Aah, leave it!” or “No point thinking.” or “You’re just over reacting.” Mebbe I don’t wanna forget. Or mebbe I do. But not just like that. Mebbe I want to tackle it, find answers and then forget, but I don’t know how to and what. And that’s what’s bothering me.

Something new!

What if? Will I? Again? Some questions that haunted me time and again before I decided on a shift to chennai. What happened three years back, was still there somewhere. Reminding me, warning me, and scaring me. And no way did I want history to repeat this time. I hoped for a new beginning. A new life. One that I’d never wish to leave. And today, with a broad smile on my face, I admit I’ve got it all.

It’s been over a month now in this city full of buzz. (Apologies hence, dear readers, for the gap.) And it’s almost like I’m in love. With the place. I wake up every day hoping to see a new day waiting for me. Ready to greet me with it’s warm smile. And embracing me comfortingly, when I feel lost. It’s been a different feeling this time. Like a bag full of surprises. Good ones. New faces. New places. New ideas. And most importantly, new feelings.

Life, as if, has suddenly taken a new turn. Making me want to explore more. Making me wonder, why not before? Like I’ve very little time and so many things to do. People, whom I wished I met earlier in life. And wish to know a lot more about, but wonder if I ever will. Your mind starts playing all sorts of games with you. When you’re alone, all by yourself, you begin to think on a lot of things you’ve never thought about before. You do a flashback of your life and wonder where it’s heading. And then you ask yourself, was that my life, or is this the beginning?

I wouldn’t deny there are times I feel like a stranger in my own life. Times when I’m unsure of what I want. Because if what I did until a month back is what my life’s all about, the life I lead now seems a lot more exciting. And I find myself asking me, hi! so where did you come from?

If I were given an option to create a new life for myself, I would like to pick and choose a little from my past and some from my present and a create beautiful future. My family, my friends from yesterday I can’t afford to loose and some people today, I’d love to treasure all my life. You feel you met them for a reason. They’re not just a passing cloud. And are here to stay. But then you look around and see, that you’ve run out of place. But you just can’t let them go. Now, what do you do?

Not everything’s changed after all. I’m still my same old confused self. With a hundred questions pondering over me. I’ve been told by someone that I shouldn’t think so much. Coz it shows all over my face. But sometimes when I think and I want to talk about it, but can’t, my face just helps.

I’m waiting. For my life to unfold as each day passes. Whatever has been, in the past one month, has only brought a smile on face. And am almost sure it’ll continue doing so. Provided some things don’t change. And some people, stay.

Are you sleeping?

Have you ever seen a dream and wished it never were one? You become so much a part of it, that when you wake up, you wonder which was the dream and what is real? And just as much as you wish the dream were real and it never got over, you know it were better off as a dream. Coz in reality, it would never happen. But then, as the day passes, every part of the dream follows you. You continue living each moment of the dream. It makes you feel good. You begin to wonder if it meant anything.

You hope it dies off wit time. But you also wish it didn't have to. It's weird what a dream can do to you.